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long time, no see!

wow. it's really been quite some time since i last updated this site. writing this now even seems so unnatural (maybe a bit forced?) because of my loooong absence from posting. it's not even because i am busy with a lot of things. yes, i do have a lot to do, but even before that was never an excuse.

maybe i just got tired of writing stuff here. maybe because i always end up updating this blog because i need to rant about something, or whine about something. for quite some time, this has just become a venue for the frustrations and disappointments in my life, which i never wanted this to be in the first place. for quite some time, i just ended up looking like another whiny little bitch in the internet.

but yeah, a LOT has happened. well, a lot should have happened for that amount of time, right? wow, my life would be so fucking lame if after all that time nothing has happened.

so yeah, life at the workplace is still the same. been on the same project for quite some time now. thankfully we are on the final stages of implementing the 2nd phase of that project. and after that, well i'm off to my new project. we also have finally settled on the new location of our office. we are now on the 11th and 12th floors of the Rockwell Business Center. that's the new building right beside the Medical City in ortigas. i love the location of the office, i just hated the fact that our wing is not carpeted like the other parts of the office. and since there is still no canteen/cafeteria in our building, i am on packed-lunch-mode since august. well, at least i'm saving up some cash coz of that.

also, i finally able to buy myself a decent DSLR. been practicing a lot with my D60, although i am still quite the noob when it comes to creative photography. the out of town trips i have been through for the past months have also given me some improve my lousy photography skills. i also have been saving up to buy my first external flash-gun, a speedlight SB600. for quite some time i have been torn in either buying a prime lens or an external flash first. but after some discussions with my photographer friends, most of them suggested that i must learn first to maximise my kit lens and buy an external flash to help me with my low-light and indoor photography.

and yeah, since september, i have been in active job-hunting mode. i have been through several interviews, exams and what-not. i have been turned down by one software company, which unfortunately was one that i was really looking forward to be working for. i have turned down offers from another company because i realized that working on a contractual basis is not my thing. right now i am just now waiting for job offers from two companies: one is a local start-up software company and the other is a US-based consultation firm. hopefully at least one of those would turn out okay.

there are still a lot of stories in between. a couple of new places i have been to, some new things i bought, saw a lot of great movies (i totally loved 500 Days of Summer), listened to some new music (The 88 rocks), obsessing with some new TV shows (The Big Bang Theory never fails to make me laugh my ass off), reading thru some new graphic novels and books (Y: The Last Man if awesome).

hopefully i would be able to update this blog as frequent as i did before. i feel like some big changes are coming this year, and hopefully i could document as many as i can here.

...

sometimes i wonder how much more can a person do to redeem himself or how many more times can a person show that he has changed or how much length does a person has to go through just to get have the trust that have been lost.

i have done some shit in my life, things that have hurt people i love, things that i have regretted doing. i know, it doesn't change the fact that i was an asshole. but goddammit, i have been trying so hard ever since to make up for all of it.

it's so hard when everything you do seems half-full to the person you want to show it to. everything seems not enough, there is always something wrong about it. something's not done right, something's not said right. but because you're on the wrong side, you just have to suck it all up. say to yourself that you deserve it, you fucked up and you have to endure it. try again next time.

but for how long? for how much longer?

i don't want to end up thinking that all that i have been trying to do is for nothing. i don't want to end up giving it all up. i was never a quitter. i always try to suck it up and try again. i don't want to feel like this is all i am going to do for the rest of my life, trying to prove myself.

so, how much more can a person do to redeem himself?

you get what you deserve. or so they say..

ayon sa kasabihan, "kung ano ang itinanim, s'yang aanihin." pero sa nangyari sa akin noong isang araw, parang ang lahat ng itinanim at pinaghirapan ko nitong mga nagdaang taon sa aking trabaho ay napunta lang sa wala.

marahil, masyadong mabigat na sabihin ko na "napunta sa wala". marami naman akong natutunan simula ng pumasok ako sa pinagtatrabahuhan ko ngayon. hindi lang sa mga aspetong teknikal (na importante sa isang I.T. professional), pati na rin mga patungkol sa kung papaano maging isang mahusay na empleyado (salamat sa aking project manager para dito). pero sa nangyari noong isang araw, ang pakiramdam ko (hanggang ngayon), lahat ng pinaghirapan ko ay nawalan ng saysay.

marahil iniisip ng iba na masyado kong dinaramdam ang nangyari; pero para sa akin, dapat ko s'yang damdamin! mabuti sana kung alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako karapat-dapat! mabuti sana kung alam ko (at ng mga taong naka-trabaho ko) na hindi ko pinaghirapan at pinagbutihan ang mga ginagawa ko! and i didn't just worked hard, i fucking excelled at what i was doing!

at ngayon, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang susunod kong mga hakbang. hindi ko alam kung ipapagpatuloy ko pa ang laban na ito o subukan ko ng makipag-sapalaran sa iba. maraming bagay na dapat pag-isipan pa ng maigi. maraming oras pa na dapat pagmuni-munihan. sana maisip ko ang tamang gawin.

pero sa ngayon, gusto ko lang muna magalit. hanggang sa maubos. para pagbalik ko sa trabaho sa lunes ay makausap na ako ng maayos ng mga tao. para pagbalik ko sa trabaho sa lunes, ipamumukha ko sa kanila na nagkamali sila sa desisyong ginawa nila.

chuck versus the season finale

i just finished watching the finale episode for season 2 of Chuck, and i can say this much about the episode: IT TOTALLY ROCKS!!!

well, at least the final 5 minutes of the episode.

the wedding scenes are very much light on the comedy and surprise. i was expecting more really on those scenes because this is the part of chuck bartowski where there's a lot of conflict. good thing there is the awesome performance by the Jeffster! yeah! i wish there would be a special downloadable version of their rendition of Mr. Roboto from their site. that would really make my day.

the final moments of the episode, as i said was really great. the fans would totally love it and geeks would dig the reference to The Matrix. finally, something that would change the status quo of chuck bartowski. quitting the buy more, accepting his destiny at being a spy and getting some kick ass upgrades! the dynamics of the members of project: bartowski would really change now because of these changes to special agent carmichael.

let's just hope that season 3 would become a reality so that us fans would still continue to be entertained by the awesomeness that is CHUCK.